REVIEW: I met the real agent ‘Argylle,’ I wish I hadn’t

“Argylle” is a film that could have spent more time on the drawing board, because on the big screen, it’s just wasting other peoples’ time.

In the film, Argylle is the titular character of a spy novel series written by the introverted Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard). The author is working on her latest book, but is running into a bit of writer’s block.

A bigger problem comes along in the form of a group of men trying to capture Elly, though, as the books she’s written have actually been rather prophetic when it comes to real world espionage. Her only protection is a secret agent, Aidan (Sam Rockwell), who defends Elly and leads her to where she can uncover the truth about the real Argylle.

Matthew Vaughn has made some good movies, great even. “Kick-Ass” to this day is still a top tier comic book film, “X-Men: First Class” is arguably the best in the series and “Kingsman” was a solid take on the spy genre.

However, sometimes there can be too much of a good thing. Remember that scene in “Back to the Future” where Marty turns the dial up and the speaker blows when he strikes a cord. That’s basically the case here with Vaughn’s filmmaking turned up to a degree that’s far too high.

Things that usually works in most of his films, a mix of cartoonish and brutal action, wise-cracking characters, vibrant colors and an overall quirky edge, all feel overly done in “Argylle,” especially when the film gets to its climax. There’s a sense of style over substance, and the style isn’t even that great.

Also not helping things is a convoluted story. It’s perfectly fine to have twists and turns in an espionage picture, but there comes a point where it seemed like the filmmakers were adding twists for the sake of it, rather than to build a good, unraveling but coherent story. There’s also the fact that the big reveal of what’s really going on has been done before and done better.

The writing leaves a lot to be desired as well. The screenplay was written by Jason Fuchs, who already has a rough track record as the scribe for films such as “Ice Age 4” and 2015’s “Pan.” His work with “Argylle” isn’t much better, as the film’s story fails to keep one fully invested for the movie’s excessive runtime of two and a half hours, and the dialogue lacks humanity.

None of the characters ever feel real, they’re all lacking in believability. Obviously this is an over-the-top movie, but even in a film where wacky things are happening, you should be able to connect to the characters and find some truth to them. The characters in “Argylle,” though, don’t come to life, meaning the emotional moments don’t land.

Credit where it’s due, I think Rockwell is still really entertaining on screen in this picture and manages to salvage a good chunk of it thanks to his endless charisma and snappy delivery. One wishes the material was better for Bryce Dallas Howard, though, as she makes an effort that’s mostly wasted.

As for the action, some of it is fine, other bits, not so much. The earliest set piece on a train is solid, and another taking place in an apartment building is alright. However, the deeper the film gets, the more the action begins to slide.

Then there’s the multi-part finale, each with its own set of issues. There’s one action sequence involving dancing and smoke grenades that’s cringe-inducing, and another involving a form of skating that might be one of the dumbest things put in a major motion picture in a while.

“Argylle’ is a really poor outing for Vaughn, and all involved, really. The special effects are rough, the writing is poor, the action is average and the characters are forgettable. It earns a few points from Rockwell and a couple bits of entertainment, but that’s not nearly enough to salvage this. 1.5 out of 5.