Halloween is this week and I am excited! I have a good mask on the way and plan to head to a local brewery for some spooky inspired beers.
In anticipation for the big day, like always, I’ve watched a few horror flicks. As is tradition, their budgets are low, and the camp is high. First up for this year, a trio of flicks all related in one way or another to the medical field.
One takes place at a hospital, the second centers on a killer hunting a specific nurse, and the third includes a criminology student who suspects her doctor boyfriend may have committed murder. They also are all from the 1980s.
Hospital Massacre (1981)
So, fun story. I found this movie via Letterboxd, where it’s titled “Hospital Massacre.” On the streaming service I watched it on, it’s called “X-Ray.” The names don’t end there. According to its Wikipedia page, its titles also include “Be My Valentine,” “Or Else” and “Ward 13.”
Wow. So many titles, but how’s the actual movie? Well, suffice to say, it’s weird. The movie starts off well enough. There’s an immediate impaling with a coat rack in the first few minutes, so that’s fun. What’s not as fun is an entire slasher movie with woefully few on-screen kills. Too many times there’s a cutaway, or a death is obstructed from view.
I say it year in and year out, a slasher movie can be poor quality, but if it has good kills, it can absolutely be salvaged. Well, for much of whatever this movie is called, kills are hidden by a closet door or a changing screen. However, it earns some major points late in the game.
One kill involving an axe and another moment toward the end with someone going off a roof make for a fun climax. Shouldn’t have been too surprised with that since this was a release from a good friend of Adventures in B-Movies, Cannon Films. But, as mentioned before, this is a weird one. Why?
A slasher taking place in a hospital, seems simple enough. Hell, “Halloween 2” was released a year earlier and had a similar premise. What makes this one strange are some of the other creative decisions. First, it has a very dreamlike, otherworldly look, coming across like a hospital in another dimension.
It doesn’t end there. Our protagonist, played by Playboy model Barbi Benton, goes to the hospital for a routine physical exam, where she’s eventually stalked. The ward she’s sent to for this exam shares rooms with people who are being treated for mental illness, physical trauma patients and three elderly women who seem to be getting end-of-life hospice care.
It’s all in the same section. Creepy? Sure. But it makes no sense. I suppose it adds something different to the mix, but there’s always a feeling that simpler is better in a slasher movie. Why not just make it a typical, sterile hospital? Well, at least it was a bit more memorable this way.
Also memorable was the music, which again, was strange. Rather than the slow-building, chilling type music from others in the genre from that time, “Hospital Massacre offers something you’d find in a demonic possession flick with a lot of religious sounding chanting accompanying the score.
Admittedly, this one nearly lost me at times. The strange hospital setting wasn’t enough to hold this thing together with the kills being a letdown. How things ramped up in the second half, though, especially with the finale, helped things a great deal.
2 out of 3 twists you definitely saw coming.
Spine (1986)
Shot on video horror, the gift that keeps on giving. Also known as SOV, these flicks were made for cheap on camcorders and it’s very noticeable in this production. The lighting is definitely not there in a lot of scenes and the overall quality screams low budget. But, hey, maybe there’s some charm to be had?
The premise is fine enough. A psycho is out stalking nurses, endlessly searching for a woman named “Linda.” Rather than a mask, this killer dons a pair of aviator sunglasses with a grizzled hairy look, beard and all. The execution, though, is, well, not there.
Maybe the worst thing about “Spine” is how boring it is. The film is only an hour and 12 minutes, yet it feels longer. This is partially because the movie spends a good portion of time following a couple of hapless detectives. Think of the cops in “Last House on the Left,” just without the comic relief.
Of course mixing a procedural with a horror or thriller can work to a film’s advantage. However, usually that requires a bit more finesse in the script and direction. This movie is a bit short on all of that.
Now, I know I sound like a broken record here, but again, if the kills are good, then these low budget horror flicks can be salvageable. Unfortunately, like the last movie, a lot of the blood shed is off-screen.
There are a few moments of creepy buildup, with the antagonist, Lawrence, tying the victims up and confirming in his mind that they are “Linda.” But then it usually cuts away to the cops finding the body. Keep in mind, this is a movie called “Spine,” yet we never see a prop spine actually get ripped out. Give me a Sub-Zero from “Mortal Kombat” moment
In fairness to the film, despite its budget, directors John Howard and Justin Simmonds attempt to add some artistic flair. There’s some atmospheric synth music that works, a few Dutch angles to put a situation more on edge and strong use of the color red in a few scenes to get across the macabre feel.
Unfortunately, the movie loses massive points for its copout ending. The final 15 minutes or so turn out to be, spoiler warning, all a dream! On top of that, Mr. Lawrence is taken out off-screen. I don’t mean that the film cuts to a different scene. No, I mean it literally just ends. We’re then treated to some epilogue text of what happened next. Yeah, that’s it.
1 out of 3 pink business casual shirts with blood stains.
The Killer is Still Among Us (1986)
Another from 1986, and this time, a Giallo! For those unaware, Giallo movies are Italian films known for blending horror and mystery with a bit of flair. I usually try to get one SOV and one Giallo in per year, so, quota met!
Interestingly enough, this year’s Giallo is actually inspired by a true story. The Monster of Florence was a serial killer who committed murders between 1968 and 1985, mostly in Lovers Lanes. Think of an Italian version of the Zodiac Killer, as this individual was never caught or identified.
A Lover’s Lane killing is where this movie picks up. After the slaying, the police arrive on the scene, but they’re not the only ones investigating. Enter our protagonist, Christiana. A criminology student, she is conducting research on the killer as part of her college thesis. That turns out to not only be dangerous, but also hits close to home.
As the movie goes on, she starts to suspect her boyfriend, a forensic doctor, may be the murderer. It’s a really solid concept. Which makes it unfortunate that this is one of the duller entries in this genre. Previous AIBM have featured Italian works like “The New York Ripper,” “Stagefright” and “Too Beautiful to Die,” which were all pretty good.
There was sufficient suspense, mild goofiness, creative camerawork and inventive deaths. This one does have some of those elements, but to a much lesser degree. The biggest issue is the whole movie is rather bland. It’s slow-paced, too, and not in a good slow-burn way. There’s simply a lack of urgency.
It doesn’t feel like anything is being built to, either. The movie doesn’t have a great flow, so to speak. Every time there’s a new killing or clue, it feels random, rather than adding onto a budding narrative. This is sadly reflected in an abrupt ending as well.
The movie does have a couple good moments which give it that bizarre Giallo layer, such as a stop in a pervy, weirdo-filled bar, as well as a few gnarly mutilation scenes. Still, one wishes the actress playing the protagonist was given a character with more personality and more to do.
As far as sleazy horrors go, this one at least does have some intrigue and I actually thought the actress in the lead was alright. Can’t really say the same about her boyfriend character but, eh, it is what it is. Not the worst out there honestly, but this sub-genre has much better to offer.
1.5 out of 3 voyeuristic biker bar women.
Matthew Liedke on Film 