REVIEW: ‘Rebirth’ shows ‘Jurassic’ series should go extinct

The people behind this film better bow down anytime they see John Williams.

That’s because the legendary “Jurassic” theme is used often in the latest movie in the franchise. Scarlett Johansson stars in the film as Zora, a mercenary for hire with plenty of experience in dangerous places. That’s where she’s headed in this flick, as she’s been hired by a pharmaceutical company to lead a paleontologist to an island inhabited by dinosaurs.

The goal is to extract the blood of three dinos, which could help lead to a cure for heart disease. That paleontologist is Henry Loomis (Jonatahn Bailey). He’s accompanied on the trip by Zora’s teammates, including Duncan (Mahershala Ali), the captain of an excursion boat.

“Rebirth” starts with a scene that makes one concerned for what they’re about to see. It’s a sequence that’s supposed to put a viewer on edge, similar to the whole “shoot her” scene in the original classic. However, the manner in which it happens is so absurd that it comes across more like an exaggerated scene one would see in a “Final Destination” picture, rather than a “Jurassic” feature.

But, it’s only the opening scene, and one can move on from it pretty quickly. An audience can also begrudgingly accept the recycled concept of people having to go to the dangerous, dinosaur-infested island to get something, which was used in “Lost World,” “III” and “Fallen Kingdom.”

By the time the team is gathered, it seems like “Rebirth” may be just a standalone adventure of mercenaries on a thrilling quest. Fair enough. In fact, late in the first act, there’s a scene between the characters played by Johansson, an Oscar nominee, and Ali, an Academy Award winner, that actually get a viewer invested.

Then, the movie nukes any and all good will it had built to this point by unveiling the most unnecessary B-plot seen in a while. See, nearby the ship Zora is on is a small private vessel, captained by Reuben (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), who has sailed into these dangerous waters with his two daughters and the annoying boyfriend of one of his kids.

This movie is nearly two hours and 20 minutes, longer than the original, and it didn’t need to be. This could have been an efficient action thriller with just the mercenaries and the scientist alone, with a runtime cut right at two hours. Instead, it’s lengthened by a group of characters the audience doesn’t care about, and honestly get on one’s nerves as they continue to appear.

Why was this done? Maybe it’s a contractual stipulation that a “Jurassic” movie needs kids in it because the first one did. Maybe it was to draw out some extra sympathy for what unfolds on screen, as if the adult main characters aren’t enough. Maybe it’s both.

Regardless, they add little to the movie, other than a nonsensical action set piece. Actually, they subtract from the movie, because the boyfriend is such an irritating figure that the audience has to put up with.

That doesn’t mean the other characters are much better. Rupert Friend plays the resident evil corporate guy who’s there to continue the recent films’ trend of looking at everything dinosaur related in completely black-and-white terms. I get the commentary trying to be made, but it’s laid on so thick.

Also, it’s not really known why the character needs to be there in the first place other than just obvious dino fodder. He hires the mercenaries, why does he need to be there too? Also, couldn’t they give him just a tad more nuance?

Worse than him, though, is the insufferable paleontologist Loomis. He loves and cares so much for the dinosaurs, to the point that it’s excessive, and his comments about how they need to be protected and that humans are actually the bad ones comes across as so preachy.

Sure, Ian Malcolm gave a speech in the first film to make a point, too, but it felt conversational, insightful, and not like a lecture. Plus, Jeff Goldblum made the character likable, charming, a little flawed and memorable. Bailey’s Loomis, meanwhile, comes across as overly perfect, righteous and lacking in any real character beyond his appreciation for the dinosaurs.

Speaking of that, there’s a scene here that is so desperately trying to capture the feel of the moment where dinosaurs are first seen in “Jurassic Park,” right down to the score being shoved down everyone’s throats as Loomis gets to touch the leg of one. It feels so forced in terms of authenticity, coming across more like nostalgia bait to recapture that magic.

As for the other characters, it’s hit and miss. Ali and Johansson are obviously talented performers, yet the way their characters are written doesn’t do them many favors. That’s truer with Zora. She’s supposed to be this hardened, expert mercenary, but she rarely has the same vibes as, say, her Black Widow character from Marvel.

She comes off more like an extreme adventurer than a black ops specialist, so her actions in the film often feel out of character from what we as the audience have learned. You’d think she’d have a character arc about being less a soldier and more humane, but she’s like that pretty much already. This may not seem like a big deal, but it’s another issue on a list of them.

Another thing on that list are the dinosaurs themselves. First of all, they were apparently made at a secret lab. Not the one on Isla Nublar where the original lab was. Or Isla Sorna where Site B was. No, this is a new, new, lab where mutant dinosaurs were created.

Even though that’s what all the dinosaurs already were? Remember in the fourth film, when Dr. Wu said “We’re doing what we’ve done from the beginning. Nothing in Jurassic World is natural. We have always filled gaps in the genome with DNA of other animals.” Remember that?

It kind of makes the whole mutant dinosaur thing underwhelming since that’s what we’ve already been dealing with, especially in the last few “World” movies, like the I-Rex. Also, with the new ones, some are kind of neat, such as spinosauruses that can swim.

But the big bad dinosaur that’s supposed to be the main threat is rather underwhelming. It’s freakish looking, sure, but not that great all things considered. How about a two-headed dinosaur, or a T-rex with triceratops horns. Maybe a raptor with stegosaurus spikes and an ankylosaurus tail? Go into kaiju territory.

As expected, the film does have a dino-sized budget so the special effects at least look good and there are actually some moments of suspense thanks to a couple good set pieces. Director Gareth Edwards and company at least know how to create solid action.

But that’s not nearly enough to save a film with poor dialogue, mostly lackluster characters, and an entire subplot that could have been cut from the film, saving all of us time. Even the dino action isn’t as good when compared to the film’s predecessors. 1 out 5.